Tantric Goddess Network

The Journey to Reproductive Health:
One Woman’s Story

From the time I entered womanhood at the age of eleven, I experienced acute pain for the two weeks of my ovulation period. At first it was migraines and low back pain. As the years progressed and the Universe taught me how desperate we are to love and be loved-through sexual abuse, rape, and humiliation- the pain worsened. Millions of women suffer from pain in their yoni (encompassing the entire reproductive organ system and second chakra). It is a sign of the Kali Yuga, the Dark Age we are in that woman’s seat of power, and the Throne to our Divine Sovereignty is the electric torture chair of pain and disease. After years of intense and active searching, crying, and begging to be relieved from this pain I was finally lead, by the grace of the Divine Mother to India and Guru Shri Param Eswaran, who changed my life with the teachings of Para-Tan. Here is my story:
I went through the gamut of treatments to lesson the pain: Birth control pills, exploratory surgery (to rule out endometriosis), private and group therapy and counseling. I changed my diet, exercised, and reduced my stress level, applied essential oils, and castor oil packs. I tried Acupuncture, Therapeutic Massage and Nueromuscular therapy, Polarity, Cranio-sacral, Chiropractic adjustments, Osteopathic adjustments, Reiki, Transformational breath, Chinese medicine, Ayurvedic medicine, Wise-Woman Traditional Medicine, Passamaquoddy Traditional Medicine, Shamanic Drumming, and journeying, crystal and stone healing, meditation, sweat lodges, saunas, hot tubs, Native American Church meetings, moon lodges, dancing, swimming, journaling-YOU NAME IT!! Each had more or less effect and the pain inevitably lessened for a day or two, but it inevitably came back. The pain remained acute and chronic.

Year after year for two weeks out of each month I found myself in a cold sweat, weak to the bone, nauseous, writhing on the bathroom floor-alternately wishing someone was there to comfort me and being embarrassed, hoping not to scare off the latest boyfriend. Many men and women throughout the years have helplessly witnessed me, unable to offer relief, even by massaging and or holding me lovingly. The agony was somewhat predictable in that it occurred as a result of sexual arousal, if I was lucky enough to come to an orgasm, or with any movement of my intestines or bladder during ovulation. The frustration, anger, helplessness, panic, anxiety, shame, humiliation, and sense of complete powerlessness were overwhelming!

The nature of my field (Holistic Therapy) has blessed me with many healers in my circles of friends, acquaintances, and colleagues. Innocent suggestions intended to lessen my pain by assisting the shift in my attitude and thinking were unwelcome to say the least. On the contrary, I ungratefully and ungracefully snapped at them which inevitably pushed them away and alienated me to suffer in agonizing pain and mental torture alone. My selfishness, ego, neediness, and rudeness compounded the suffering. Nightmares plagued my thoughts waking and sleeping, during two weeks out of every month for the last seventeen years.

It was trauma from which I suffered in my developmental, adolescent and young adult years that implanted cellular memories, which in turn caused this pain. These experiences and pain initiated me into the mind-body Mysteries at an early age and fueled my passion to discover answers to heal and make me whole. As a symbol of sexuality, brutality, coercement, and evil the serpent reared its head. As I delved deeper and explored more, I discovered innumerable references to the empowering symbolism of the serpent, Representative of the infinite cycles of Life, Death, and Rebirth, and as the Shakti-Kundalini-Devi. The immense power of the pain that wracked my body mind and relentlessly skewered me in its tightening, constrictive grip-impressed upon my very being-the paradoxical power of the Kundalini Serpent: Orgasmic, blissful joy or the pain with which I was familiar. These experiences have enriched my life immeasurably.
When I turned 30 I reached a place in my life where I absolutely had to change or resort to misery and suffering for the rest of my inevitably single life. I clung like a scared child to the skirts of the Divine Mother and through Her grace I was given the symbols of the serpent and the Tree of Life. I originally though they were like keys which would unlock the door to set me free. With the fervent belief that these rich ancient images, steeped in mythology, ritual, fairy tales, and Indigenous lore in traditions and cultures around the world throughout time, would lead me to my healed and whole self, I sought out and absorbed everything I could learn about them. I had to become Serpent Priestess of my own Kundalini and Tree Priestess to the share the loving fruit of my own sacred Tree. I have now learned that they are the doors through which we must symbolically enter. It is a matter of preparing ourselves to receive the wisdom they provide

I “googled” Serpent Goddess and Tantric training in India and found the IFC (Inter-Faith-Charitable) Mahavidya (Wisdom Goddess) temple and ashram, graced with the presence of the embodiment of Divine Love, Kali Devotee, Father of Para-Tan, and Tantric Master –Shri Param Eswaran. I traveled half way around the planet to learn from him and even so, it took me three months to trust him enough to follow his advice and receive his healing energy in the Para Tan Healing sessions.

“Let go of the past. Don’t be grateful. Flow with Gratitude. Surrender your ego. LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE!” He said over and over again. I was thick. I (still) have a big ego. I was hopelessly self-centered and ungrateful (now there is hope), so I came up with the bazillion and one excuses readily available to anyone who wants to remain stuck, suffering, and not grow.

It’s a credit to Shri Param’s patience and skill, and the fact that I truly desire change that his application of the Divine Mother’s Para-Tan Teachings finally got through to me. At his feet in the shade of the Tree of Wisdom I opened to receive Her divine blessings and through the grace of Shri Param and the Mother, shakti flows through, within, and from me.

Para-Tan addresses the necessity of reprogramming the mind to maintain improvement. This is a critical aspect of Para-Tan, yet it is not a complete picture. The practice of Para-Tan requires that one develop their capacity for Shakti-resonance, meaning daily reciting mantras aloud and quietly within. Developing the voice by learning the ancient fine art of South India, Sangeethum, participating in regular Agni rituals to cleanse and purify the aura and nadis, and of course receiving regular Para-Tan Sound Healing sessions, are all critical aspects for success.

Shri Param spent hours and hours, weeks and months showing me where my mental programming needed deprogramming and providing me with the necessary reprogramming. The ashram and temple are relatively free from mental and environmental pollution and we eat healthy, vegetarian meals. All of this was elemental in my shifting from Andrea with pain to Nagarani awakened by Kundalini Devi by the loving touch and guidance of Shri Param.

Now that I have returned to the United States I am able to put the teachings into daily practice in relationship to this crazy, chaotic, love-starved world of the west. It all comes down to LOVE! GRATITUDE! and HUMILITY! Gratitude and humility form the channels through which DIVINE LOVE may flow. For the first time in my life!!! I did not experience debilitating cramps, back pain, spasms, nausea etc. When ever I find myself shortening my breath in anticipation of impending pain-I take a few deep breaths and say clearly to myself “Whatever this lesson is, which is moving through my life right now-I am very grateful for it happening-for it takes me one step closer on my journey HOME!!!” Miracle of miracles, it works!

Now, I have the advantage of having received Para-Tan Sound Healing, which broke up the cellular memories and cleared, activated, and charged my nadis, so I know what it feels like to be surging with shakti in areas previously only congested with pain. However, the ungrateful attitude was the more challenging obstacle to overcome in the healing process (and it still requires regular practice), yet it is the very foundation, which maintains the structure of the open nadis through which Shakti flows.

Even as the gratitude is essential-so is humility. For without humility it is tempting to feel the shakti flowing and mistake it for personal power meant to serve my ego based, self centered, neediness. This is not a pretty picture, believe me! When the Kundalini rises, whether just a little or a lot all at once, it magnifies, intensifies, and energizes all thought patterns. Self-serving thoughts of the ego result in madness and pain. Humility is the gentler, loving path. IT’S ALL ABOUT LOVE!!! For it is in the surrendering of our mind, body, and spirit into the service of the magnificence and Divine Grace of the Universal Mother Goddess that she flows through our bodies like amrita nectar bubbling forth from the Holy Grail within. It is through the grace of Guru Shri Param Eswaran and his guidance in the Divine Mother’s Teachings that enables me to receive this sacred fruit from the Tree of Life, Death, Wisdom, and Knowledge.

Article by Sri Nagarani