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Tantric Goddess Network
The Journey to Reproductive Health:
One Woman’s Story
From the time I entered womanhood at the age of eleven, I experienced acute pain
for the two weeks of my ovulation period. At first it was migraines and low back
pain. As the years progressed and the Universe taught me how desperate we are to
love and be loved-through sexual abuse, rape, and humiliation- the pain
worsened. Millions of women suffer from pain in their yoni (encompassing the
entire reproductive organ system and second chakra). It is a sign of the Kali
Yuga, the Dark Age we are in that woman’s seat of power, and the Throne to our
Divine Sovereignty is the electric torture chair of pain and disease. After
years of intense and active searching, crying, and begging to be relieved from
this pain I was finally lead, by the grace of the Divine Mother to India and
Guru Shri Param Eswaran, who changed my life with the teachings of Para-Tan.
Here is my story:
I went through the gamut of treatments to lesson the pain: Birth control pills,
exploratory surgery (to rule out endometriosis), private and group therapy and
counseling. I changed my diet, exercised, and reduced my stress level, applied
essential oils, and castor oil packs. I tried Acupuncture, Therapeutic Massage
and Nueromuscular therapy, Polarity, Cranio-sacral, Chiropractic adjustments,
Osteopathic adjustments, Reiki, Transformational breath, Chinese medicine,
Ayurvedic medicine, Wise-Woman Traditional Medicine, Passamaquoddy Traditional
Medicine, Shamanic Drumming, and journeying, crystal and stone healing,
meditation, sweat lodges, saunas, hot tubs, Native American Church meetings,
moon lodges, dancing, swimming, journaling-YOU NAME IT!! Each had more or less
effect and the pain inevitably lessened for a day or two, but it inevitably came
back. The pain remained acute and chronic.
Year after year for two weeks out of each month I found myself in a cold sweat,
weak to the bone, nauseous, writhing on the bathroom floor-alternately wishing
someone was there to comfort me and being embarrassed, hoping not to scare off
the latest boyfriend. Many men and women throughout the years have helplessly
witnessed me, unable to offer relief, even by massaging and or holding me
lovingly. The agony was somewhat predictable in that it occurred as a result of
sexual arousal, if I was lucky enough to come to an orgasm, or with any movement
of my intestines or bladder during ovulation. The frustration, anger,
helplessness, panic, anxiety, shame, humiliation, and sense of complete
powerlessness were overwhelming!
The nature of my field (Holistic Therapy) has blessed me with many healers in my
circles of friends, acquaintances, and colleagues. Innocent suggestions intended
to lessen my pain by assisting the shift in my attitude and thinking were
unwelcome to say the least. On the contrary, I ungratefully and ungracefully
snapped at them which inevitably pushed them away and alienated me to suffer in
agonizing pain and mental torture alone. My selfishness, ego, neediness, and
rudeness compounded the suffering. Nightmares plagued my thoughts waking and
sleeping, during two weeks out of every month for the last seventeen years.
It was trauma from which I suffered in my developmental, adolescent and young
adult years that implanted cellular memories, which in turn caused this pain.
These experiences and pain initiated me into the mind-body Mysteries at an early
age and fueled my passion to discover answers to heal and make me whole. As a
symbol of sexuality, brutality, coercement, and evil the serpent reared its
head. As I delved deeper and explored more, I discovered innumerable references
to the empowering symbolism of the serpent, Representative of the infinite
cycles of Life, Death, and Rebirth, and as the Shakti-Kundalini-Devi. The
immense power of the pain that wracked my body mind and relentlessly skewered me
in its tightening, constrictive grip-impressed upon my very being-the
paradoxical power of the Kundalini Serpent: Orgasmic, blissful joy or the pain
with which I was familiar. These experiences have enriched my life immeasurably.
When I turned 30 I reached a place in my life where I absolutely had to change
or resort to misery and suffering for the rest of my inevitably single life. I
clung like a scared child to the skirts of the Divine Mother and through Her
grace I was given the symbols of the serpent and the Tree of Life. I originally
though they were like keys which would unlock the door to set me free. With the
fervent belief that these rich ancient images, steeped in mythology, ritual,
fairy tales, and Indigenous lore in traditions and cultures around the world
throughout time, would lead me to my healed and whole self, I sought out and
absorbed everything I could learn about them. I had to become Serpent Priestess
of my own Kundalini and Tree Priestess to the share the loving fruit of my own
sacred Tree. I have now learned that they are the doors through which we must
symbolically enter. It is a matter of preparing ourselves to receive the wisdom
they provide
I “googled” Serpent Goddess and Tantric training in India and found the IFC
(Inter-Faith-Charitable) Mahavidya (Wisdom Goddess) temple and ashram, graced
with the presence of the embodiment of Divine Love, Kali Devotee, Father of
Para-Tan, and Tantric Master –Shri Param Eswaran. I traveled half way around the
planet to learn from him and even so, it took me three months to trust him
enough to follow his advice and receive his healing energy in the Para Tan
Healing sessions.
“Let go of the past. Don’t be grateful. Flow with Gratitude. Surrender your ego.
LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE!” He said over and over
again. I was thick. I (still) have a big ego. I was hopelessly self-centered and
ungrateful (now there is hope), so I came up with the bazillion and one excuses
readily available to anyone who wants to remain stuck, suffering, and not grow.
It’s a credit to Shri Param’s patience and skill, and the fact that I truly
desire change that his application of the Divine Mother’s Para-Tan Teachings
finally got through to me. At his feet in the shade of the Tree of Wisdom I
opened to receive Her divine blessings and through the grace of Shri Param and
the Mother, shakti flows through, within, and from me.
Para-Tan addresses the necessity of reprogramming the mind to maintain
improvement. This is a critical aspect of Para-Tan, yet it is not a complete
picture. The practice of Para-Tan requires that one develop their capacity for
Shakti-resonance, meaning daily reciting mantras aloud and quietly within.
Developing the voice by learning the ancient fine art of South India, Sangeethum,
participating in regular Agni rituals to cleanse and purify the aura and nadis,
and of course receiving regular Para-Tan Sound Healing sessions, are all
critical aspects for success.
Shri Param spent hours and hours, weeks and months showing me where my mental
programming needed deprogramming and providing me with the necessary
reprogramming. The ashram and temple are relatively free from mental and
environmental pollution and we eat healthy, vegetarian meals. All of this was
elemental in my shifting from Andrea with pain to Nagarani awakened by Kundalini
Devi by the loving touch and guidance of Shri Param.
Now that I have returned to the United States I am able to put the teachings
into daily practice in relationship to this crazy, chaotic, love-starved world
of the west. It all comes down to LOVE! GRATITUDE! and HUMILITY! Gratitude and
humility form the channels through which DIVINE LOVE may flow. For the first
time in my life!!! I did not experience debilitating cramps, back pain, spasms,
nausea etc. When ever I find myself shortening my breath in anticipation of
impending pain-I take a few deep breaths and say clearly to myself “Whatever
this lesson is, which is moving through my life right now-I am very grateful for
it happening-for it takes me one step closer on my journey HOME!!!” Miracle of
miracles, it works!
Now, I have the advantage of having received Para-Tan Sound Healing, which broke
up the cellular memories and cleared, activated, and charged my nadis, so I know
what it feels like to be surging with shakti in areas previously only congested
with pain. However, the ungrateful attitude was the more challenging obstacle to
overcome in the healing process (and it still requires regular practice), yet it
is the very foundation, which maintains the structure of the open nadis through
which Shakti flows.
Even as the gratitude is essential-so is humility. For without humility it is
tempting to feel the shakti flowing and mistake it for personal power meant to
serve my ego based, self centered, neediness. This is not a pretty picture,
believe me! When the Kundalini rises, whether just a little or a lot all at
once, it magnifies, intensifies, and energizes all thought patterns.
Self-serving thoughts of the ego result in madness and pain. Humility is the
gentler, loving path. IT’S ALL ABOUT LOVE!!! For it is in the surrendering of
our mind, body, and spirit into the service of the magnificence and Divine Grace
of the Universal Mother Goddess that she flows through our bodies like amrita
nectar bubbling forth from the Holy Grail within. It is through the grace of
Guru Shri Param Eswaran and his guidance in the Divine Mother’s Teachings that
enables me to receive this sacred fruit from the Tree of Life, Death, Wisdom,
and Knowledge.
Article by Sri Nagarani
Para-Tan Sound Healing
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