Tantric Goddess Network
Shri Yogeswari - my Tantric Journey
Click any of my photos to see an enlarged view.
My father and me, having a good time. This photo was taken when i was three months and three days February 26th, 2007. Click any of my photos to see an enlarged view.
My name is Yogeswari. I’m a Tantric baby. I wanted to take a
human birth so that I can further my journey home and merge with the cosmic
Oneness. I chose to be born in India to Devanayagi, the most divine Mother. They
say she’s a barbarian because she’s Dutch. I realize that she has worked very
hard to be loving, graceful and soft; except when she walks-she stomps her way
across the yard like a storm trooper.
I enjoyed living in my Mother’s womb. It was safe, warm and I got lots of
touches. I felt very comfortable inside. There was lots of room to dance and
kick. My daddy and mommy used to talk and sing to me. I especially enjoyed the
hours and hours of mantras that people made together. Sometimes many people,
sometimes only Mom and Dad, and sometimes only my Daddy.
I made myself noticeable to my Mommy just after I lived in my new home for three
months. I showed up in her dream with my brother and Mommy said to him “Okay,
now I’m going to take care of your sister”. She promised that she would take
care of me. Upon hearing her voice I was reassured that she would nurture and
support me in my journey to be the divine goddess I am. Every time she touched
my new home I joyfully connected with her. I lit up every time she touched her
belly and I sent bubbles of love to meet her hand.
When I was 14 weeks in my new home I nearly got evicted. The walls of my house
became unsteady. Science people call this Placenta Previa. My daddy sent the
energy of love into my bubble with his powerful, resonant voice so the walls
shifted and became strong again.
I always connected with my daddy. Sometimes I felt restless, then my Daddy would
put his hands on my Mommy’s belly and it felt nice and soothing. When I was
sleeping, his touch woke me up. I felt beautiful, resonating vibrations enter
the bubble I called my home, when I was asleep or awake. Sometimes even when my
Mommy was asleep too. It was very powerful and resonant.
So, I grew and grew, listening to beautiful sounds of the goddess. Somehow my
parents knew my divinity and honored me as Goddess-to-be, sending sounds of the
goddesses into my home, which is their general spiritual practice.
As I grew, my house shrank. Finally I decided to become a part of the society
outside my Mommy’s belly, knowing I would be cared for. In the excitement of
coming out I got my umbilical cord wrapped around my neck. Even still, I tried
to come out, but the doors wouldn’t open. Knowing I was destined to be a divine
child and successfully take a human birth, I remained calm and healthy. Even
though my Mommy went through 26 hours of labor and a lot of pain, she stayed
calm and strong. She’s the best! So I felt calm and safe even under the stress
of a difficult situation. During the labor there were lots of aunties sending
their loving sounds and touch to the backside of my house, encouraging and
soothing me, which created a very nice environment for me. Thanks to my aunty’s
Annemiek, Nagarani, Shodi, and Shloshina, especially my Daddy, and of course my
goddess Mommy, I came out okay.
Since the door wasn’t opening my auntie Annemiek, who is a midwife, decided
Mommy should go to the hospital so the doctors could help me come out. Then the
locals advised me and Mommy to a clinic in Thriumangalum. The doctor there was a
fraud. She was rough with my Mommy’s belly and I could hear her saying untrue
things about me. I could feel aunty Annemiek’s anger about the doctor’s lies. I
was healthy inside. Aunty Annemiek had all of the newest hearing aids reassured
me and my Mommy that I was okay and that we should leave that place because the
doctor was only a butcher. She was only interested in cutting open my Mommy’s
tummy, not because it was needed, but because it would fatten her wallet. So,
then we were rushed to the Apollo hospital in Madurai. At least there they tried
hard to give me a natural birth.
I tried and tried to open the doors but they wouldn’t budge. Suddenly a drug
dealer doped up my Mommy and me. I couldn’t tell the difference between the
doors and the walls, and all of a sudden the drug dealer used a crow bar to
break down the walls of my house and two very large hands pulled me out.
I was born after
midnight on the twenty-third, which made my Daddy very relieved. Instead of
being born on the twenty-second, which is the governed by the north node, or Rahu in Vedic Astrology, I am a number five baby, governed by Mercury, the god
of intelligence.
It wasn’t a very nice place that these two hands pulled me out into. I was used
to the sounds, and vibrations of my Mommy and Daddy’s house. This place had
obnoxious, glaring, artificial lights, yucky chemical smells, harsh, discordant
sounds and mean aliens. I wanted to come out at my Mommy and Daddy’s house, so
when they brought me out here I was very unhappy.
Whoop what a busy world to visit. Humans have lost touch since my last birth, they have forgotten how to welcome children into the world. Yes very barbaric, yet they think that they are advanced in the art of birthing.
These strange aliens tossed me around like a sack of rice, called me names like
“pink baby”, and told my Mommy I was fat. These aliens had no idea I was a
divine baby, and the closer I looked, I realized they didn’t even know they were
divine too. This is a strange world here. I didn’t like the way the aliens
touched me, through ugly sounds towards me and stared and gaped at me like I was
the alien. All of this made me very angry.
The aliens put me in a room with a lot of other babies. I didn’t like it there
and I felt lonely without my Mommy and Daddy. The place they put me smelled bad
and was harsh. I needed to get out of there. I noticed all of the other babies
slept dopily. So I decided to revolt and make noise. Afraid that the other
babies would follow my fearless leadership the aliens used to hurry me out of
the room to be with my Mommy and Daddy, which is just what I wanted. Then I
vigorously sucked at my Mother’s nipples and fell peacefully asleep. It was
heaven to hear the familiar sounds and vibrations of my newest parents, who I
chose to guide me through this leg of my journey home.
I was pushing my parents to take me out of the hospital and it’s restrictions to
the free surroundings that my parents called home. I wanted to hear the familiar
sounds and rhythms of the environment that I grew in. I had to wait for five
days in the stinky hospital before we finally left to go home. I was driven to
my new house by a very calm, careful uncle Saravan, who works as a chauffeur for
my parents.
The welcoming reception was very nice and very spirited. There are very nice
sounds like cows mooing, dogs barking, ducks quacking, crickets chirping,
chickens scratching and clucking, roosters crowing, and village children
laughing.
Within the first one to two weeks of moving into my new house I decided that we
should move again. Even though it was spacious and luxurious with air
conditioning, it was in the agni/fire corner of the property, which doesn’t suit
my hot temper. I cried and cried and even came up with some rashes until my
parents called an astrologer. He told them about the agni corner and so we moved
to a smaller room without air conditioning that was closer to aunty Nagarani and
my big brothers from the village.
I’m really happy to be in a community. There aren’t too many people; Just a few
crazy Westerners and more even crazier villagers, who clap loudly in my face and
pinch my cheeks. When my Daddy found out the village ladies who came to visit me
in the beginning were loud and hurt my face, he put a full stop to that. Now no
one carries me but my family, which is quite large. My over-caring parents have
two housemaids that take care of me. One is a bit too loud, but the other is
soft and nice. Then there’s crazy auntie Nagarani who carries me and waltzes
around the farm, and sings me silly songs. Then there is my big brother Vinote,
from the village who always wants to carry me and makes me smile. I have a very
big family and it’s a good thing because I have enough energy to keep them all
very busy!
I hear that many other babies like to sleep all the time when they are small
like me. I stay awake all day and sleep at night. I enjoy exploring faces and
looking at the beautiful colors around me in life and in a large painting on my
porch. I like to talk to the beautiful fairies and spirits that come to visit me
and encourage me to talk to them. They especially come talk to me when I’m in
front of a huge mural my Mommy and auntie Nagarani helped to paint. To surprise
my parents, within two months and 10 days of coming to join this outer society,
I uttered my first word “haaai”. It’s sad to say that the fairies understand me
better than the humans. So we have long conversations and they make me laugh.
It’s such a peaceful environment.
Sometimes I speak to my parents but they don’t understand what I’m saying. At
first I ask nicely. Then I get grumpy, and if they don’t understand what I want
by then, I get very angry and cry loud. By then they are jumping up and trying
everything to help me until they understand what I’m asking for. It gives me a
good feeling to know they love me so much. They drop whatever they’re doing to
nurture me and make me happy again.
Now, I know what my name Yogeswari means. I am named after the great goddess
Durga. Instead of just calling me by my name, my parents sing me a mantra for
Durga and worship my divinity with “Om Hrim Dum Yogeswari Namah aum”. This gives
me great assurance that they will nurture my growing up to become the divine
goddess I am. What gives me this confidence is that they understand that they
are my care takes and do not own me, unlike what my past parents did, thus
forcing me to take yet another journey towards HOME!
I wish all children had parents like mine, giving me the reassurance that I can
fulfill my journey on Earth without allowing me to forget my real purpose on
Earth – to return to my divine HOME. My parents are great believers and
worshippers of the Mahavidyas, which is what I came to this world to discover.
Keep visiting my page for updates… To be continued as I grow and journey.
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